I met this beautiful woman online. After that first meeting, we saw each other almost ever day after. We took a few trips, including one with the entire family, on the road, to Florida. While we were there, I knew I wanted her to be my partner always. I asked her to marry me and she said yes. What a lucky guy! We discussed a few options for getting married and finally decided we wanted it simple, small and fun, so we chose…
A couple of our closest friends were able to make it.
Including my childhood bear.
We chose something…classy.
The wedding was…entertaining.
And now I have this amazing woman with me always.
I had the distinct pleasure of seeing Christy Hays perform last night at the Magnolia Motor Lounge with Ali Holder. She is on tour to promote her new album, O’ Montana.
I have been a fan of Ms. Hays for about 3 and a half years now. When I was down in Austin for business, I took a walk down Guadalupe St. I got all the way down to the Hole in the Wall and was about to pass by when I noticed a pair of shapely legs then noticed her sweet voice. I picked up her self titled album and saw her once again about a year later. After that, I kept up with her through social media and picked up her second album Drought.
When my marriage hit the rocks, I reached out to Ms. Hays to commission a song. Unfortunately things fell apart before she completed it. It was about a year ago that I sat in the same bar with a friend lamenting my relationship and trying to figure out what to do. It was fitting that I got to hear the song I had inspired played in that same bar. It’s been great seeing this musician grow as an artist. I hope to see her go far with her craft.
Oh…and Ali Holder was amazing too, so thanks to Ms. Hays for introducing me to a new artist.
It’s official. As of this morning, I am no longer married. There were good times and bad times. We produced three amazing little girls. As far as divorce goes, this one was pretty easy and as sad as endings are, I’m glad it was her I got to go through it with. Now the next chapter begins.
After 15 years, my marriage is over. Not with any major fanfare or daytime soap drama, but quietly, like closing a book or putting out a candle. The decision was not entirely mutual, but it soon became that way. Mistakes were made on both sides. There was anger, sadness, bargaining, yelling and finally acceptance.
I cannot say the time was wasted. I got to be with my best friend for a while, share some amazing experiences and our union produced three of the most amazing, smart, beautiful and creative little human beings. All things must eventually end. Better not to try and hold on to that which is no longer yours. In the end, it is simply better to choose love rather than hate.
…to fight but it also takes two to make love. I choose not to fill my cup with anger but instead let it overflow with love.
a lover asked her beloved,
do you love yourself more
than you love me?
the beloved replied,
I have died to myself
and I live for you.
I’ve disappeared from myself
and my attributes.
I am present only in you.
I have forgotten all my learning,
but from knowing you
I have become a scholar
I have lost all my strength,
but from your power
I am able.
If I love myself
I love you.
If I love you
I love myself.
I think prop. 8 was a huge mistake. This country was based on the principle that all [people] are created equal. As a law abiding citizen, I should be allowed to be treated equally under the law regardless of my religious beliefs (or lack there of), skin tone, or who I want as spouse. Marriage is a social contract between consenting adults, and as such should be left as a right of every free citizen.
What I find most ironic about the passage of prop. 8 is that is was due in large part because of he African American’s and Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints. These two groups more than many others have suffered persecution by being labeled “the other” and not being allowed the same basic rights we all deserve. If you change prop. 8 to exclude any religious or ethnic group, the whole thing never would have made it to the ballot. And yet, two people who want to make commitment to one another are cast aside since they do not conform to some religious standard. Specifically, the LdS church already has a separate marriage different than the rest of the world. By their doctrine, all other marriages are less than the LdS marriage since they end at death anyway. A marriage by any non-Mormon, in a civil marriage, is a secular ceremony that unites people only on this earth. Should a “time and all eternity” marriage be outlawed since it conflicts with the US majorities view of what constitutes a marriage?
What about the procreation of the species? There is no question evolution would not work if only partners of the same sex cam together. However, less than 1% of any population is actually found to be homosexual. It is also not confined to homo-sapiens. Other groups have small populations of same sex coupling. As humans, we can have children out of wedlock, yet no one would ever conceive of banning a person’s right to procreate outside the bounds of marriage. Many hetero couples get together and never have children by choice. Should they have their rights revoked since they do not share in some religious prerogative? Certainly not. Human procreation will never be affected by allowed homosexual couples to marry.
What about the children? Won’t someone please think about the children? In order to have a better society, people need to grow up in a loving environment. Even if they don’t, most people make it into society ok despite how they grew up. It is also true that a child needs positive role models from both sexes to understand how they interact and their roles in society. So, should we outlaw single parenthood? If a mother or father is trying to raise a child on their own, they are not living up to some preconceived notion of how things “ought to be”. In the situations, children find role models in their other family members, neighborhoods, churches, civic organizations, etc. What about all those kids in foster care because there hetero sexual parents did not want them? There are so many waiting for a loving home and now, at least in one state (Arkansas) single parents are not allowed to adopt. So, the kids are left to an abusive system that causes more harm than good instead of getting them to a loving family, whether single or a gay couple. Those left to the foster system will become “screwed up”.
If homosexual couples are allowed to marry, it will justify homosexual relations as an alternative lifestyle. The funny thing, it already is. People already live their lives together in same sex relationships; they just do so without the same rights as hetero couples. There is simply no proof that a child raised by a same sex couple will choose to be in a same sex relationship at a higher rate than those raised by heteros. The simple fact is we are attracted to whom we are attracted to. We have as much choice with whom we fall in love with or find attractive as we do our hair color. You can force a change, but your roots will eventually show through.
I am grateful to live in a free country that protects the rights of individuals regardless of their religion, color or nationality. I am thankful to have a loving father than made sure his sons understood life is short and this is all you get, so make the best of it and help others do the same. Finally, I am grateful to be in a congregation of people where differences are celebrated and welcomes people no matter who they are or what their particular path through this life is. I know there are surely homosexuals among them, but I could not tell you who they are, only that they are part of my extend human family.